Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Back on Track

My shin splints episode has passed, so I'm back on the treadmill. And the StairMaster, the bike, and the elliptical trainer. And in the pool, but not as much now because it dries my skin and hair out something terrible in this bitterly cold weather.

I've already accomplished my first goal: I wore the Interview Pants for the first time in several months, on Friday. Yes, they fit again! I'll try to post a picture soon, because it has to be seen to be believed.

The Interview Pants are beautiful hip hugging black pants that used to belong to a very tall and thin coworker, three jobs and three years ago. She gave them to me when I stayed over at her house one night and ruined my own brand new black pants with her iron the next morning. Damn synthetic fabrics!

I call them the Interview Pants because traditionally I have worn them to job interviews - they are the nicest and most flattering pair of pants I own. But I couldn't wear them to my last several interviews, because I couldn't do them up. Which was quite depressing, but I seem to have put that behind me (ha ha ha) so yay me!

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Nothing says Good Morning like a hot steaming cup of panic

Remember my neighbour? You know, the one who wanted to move out because my showering was waking her up? Oh, didn't I tell you about that - that she wanted to move? She wanted to pack up her whole apartment and move to another building because my showers were so noisy? Mmmhmm, OK, good luck with that.

Anyway, she's still here, and apparently her hearing is less sensitive, because she didn't say a word the other morning when somebody in the building started to scream. And scream. And scream. And scream some more.

So it's 6 AM and I'm in my bathrobe, drinking my coffee and reading, listening to the radio, when I hear what sounds like somebody yelling, outside. It sounded like kids going "Arghhhh! Arghhhh!" Except that kids don't usually yell "Arghhhh!" rhythmically, with measured pauses between each "Arghhhh!". Especially not at 6 in the morning.

Marmalade heard it too and jumped on the dining room table, twitching his ears and looking around, agitated. I thought it might be on the radio, so I turned it down. No, there it was again.

Harry was sitting silently in the bathtub, as is his wont in the morning (he likes to watch the drips run down the shower curtain), so it wasn't him. No, it sounded like it was coming from upstairs.

I started to feel afraid. There is a couple who live upstairs from me and I've heard them have some loud arguments. Lots of muffled yelling and once, clearly, I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE".

I opened the front door. I could hear the yelling more clearly now, and also an alarm ringing, distantly, faintly. Like an old fashioned telephone or a school bell. Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. Punctuated by "Arghhh! Arghhhh!"

I closed the door, locked it, and called 911. (Well, what would you have done?)

Anyway, long story short, the screaming turns out to be somebody stuck between the 7th and 6th floors in the elevator. Which, by the way, just happens to be right outside my neighbour's door.

First I'm on the phone with the police, then the fire department, running back and forth between the phone in my apartment and the elevator (I don't have a cordless or a cell - I don't have a DVD player or a microwave either, isn't that shocking?), reassuring the person stuck in the elevator that help is on the way, relaying information to the authorities. The fire department says they won't come out unless it's a medical emergency, that I have to contact the super who will then contact the elevator repair company who will rescue the victim. For fuck's sake. And of course, I don't have the super's number handy, so guess who has to go down 12 flights of stairs in her bathrobe to knock on the super's door, wake her up, and tell her that somebody's stuck in an elevator.

But while all this drama is going on - the screaming, my talking loudly through the elevator doors to the person trapped inside, the alarm ringing, my door opening and closing, the stairwell door banging - does my neighbour ever once come into the hall to see what's going on?


Maybe she wasn't home, but I doubt it. I'm sure I'm not the only person who heard screaming and alarm going off on Monday morning - I'm just the only person who had the sense to do something about it.

Thursday, 12 July 2012

Say Cheese

If you watch Canadian television, you've probably seen those obnoxious cheese commercials, featuring adults who won't leave the parental nest because their parents keep making delicious meals with cheese. Yeah, whatever. My parents could have fed me filet mignon three times a week, and I'd have still moved out. In one of these spots, the parents turn their 40-something year old's son bedroom into a shrine to tackiness, with gaudy floral wallpaper, a stuffed deer's head on the wall, and a kitschy lamp. "Can't get your kids to leave home stop cooking with cheese!" a nosy, crochety old woman says at the end of the ad - just like that, with no pause between home and stop. It used to drive me nuts, but then I stopped watching television and the problem went away.

Well, it appears Dairy Farmers of Canada has kicked their cheese campaign up a notch. Now it's pushing the "Cheese for Life" club. I'd heard the radio ads, but nothing prepared me for what I found in the bottom of my Loblaws bag last night. A little booklet entitled "Pleasures of Cheese" , full of cheese recipes, which is fine. A waste of paper, because it went straight into the recycling bin, but whatever.

But on the back cover - bear in mind this is a booklet full of recipes and the pleasures of eating - it says:

"Your daughter won't leave home even though you clean the toilet with her toothbrush? Join the club. Enter the Contest."

The fuck? Is that supposed to be funny? Is this some lame-ass attempt to appeal to the urban, 20-30 something market? Look, I can tell tasteless jokes with the best of them, but that's just gross. Eww. The masterminds behind this campaign might be cooking with cheese, but I think they're smoking crack.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Brinda Johnson - Resume

Hello there! I'm one of the team leaders of FoxyStilezArticles, a hungry young web article writing collective. We are able to create articles in English and French for worldwide internet readers, and are at hand for article content building for your online business. Below you may find my resume, and of course you'll be able to check out other team leaders and writers' resumes on this internet site. At the bottom of my resume, you're going to see some examples of our posted articles. For job enquiries, please email us with the contactform on this website and we will respond as soon as we can.

Curriculum Vitae

Brinda Johnson

920 Genny Circle

Maryland Annapolis


Graduated With Honors from Northwest University

10 years of writing experience (specially for Electronic readers)

Superb fluency in English and Latin

Professional, team-oriented worker with a talent for details

Employment Expertise

FoxyStilezArticles, Ottawa Canada

2001 - Present

Crew Manager

Accountable for organizing a international team of authors to fit a demanding set of growth goals and objectives.

- Set unprecedented records for production, boosting productivity by 35% throughout the world

- Properly kept continuous logs of work distribution

- Addressed QA for world wide production across a significant team of internet writers

Additional Skills

Fluent in English and Latin

Sophisticated skills using a full range of office software programs

Samples of Published Works

cottage rentals ontario | discount tires | cheap tires st. louis | tire rotation | oil change and tire rotation | spare tire mount | transmission fluid flush | transmissions | most fuel efficient cars 2012 | customize your own car online | paint for cars | quick oil change | hot water heater | fix leaky faucet | how do i file taxes | online college degree | my toilet is clogged | before and after braces | what is a gateway | tax due date | agatha christie book list | teaching strategies | picture of food | maxxis mud tires | cheap auto body parts

Boat Winterizing

Your Boat
If possible, store your boat ashore for the winter. The bulkhead, keel and motor are the critical areas needing support. Cradles work best, but don't store your boat on a cradle that was designed for a different model.

If you store your boat in the water, close all through-hull fittings, gate valves and seacocks. Do not close cockpit drains. Plug exhaust ports. Check your boat occasionally to make sure lines are secure, bumpers are in place, and the bilge is dry.

Cover the boat using boat covers. Use a frame under the cover to prevent water from pooling and tearing your cover or damaging the boat. Canvas is best because it breathes, but plastic works too. Make sure you leave vents in it to allow condensation to escape. Allow for drainage if you're storing outside.

Add non-toxic anti-freeze to water tanks, toilets and septic holding tanks. Never use engine anti-freeze in a freshwater system.

Remove electronic equipment, important documents and other valuables that could tempt thieves.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Remedios Jones - CV

Hola! I'm one of the staff managers of FoxyStilezArticles, a world-wide web article writing combine. We all craft in Spanish and English for worldwide world-wide-web viewers, and are at your disposal for article creation for your blog. Down the page you may read my curriculum vitae, and you will be able to see other staff managers and team members' resumes on this web page. At the end of my curriculum vitae, you are going to read some examples of our exhibited articles. For work queries, you should mail us using the contactform on this webpage and we shall follow up as soon as we can.


Remedios Jones

3628 Callaway Circle

Massachusetts Boston


Graduated Magna Cum Laude from The University Of Toronto

10 years of authoring experience (mainly for Internet viewers)

Superb fluency in English and Latin

Professional, staff-oriented member of staff with a taste for specifics

Work Experience

FoxyStilezArticles, London GB

2005 - Present

Team Manager

Responsible for setting up a worldwide team of freelance writers to fit a demanding set of assembly goals.

- Set records for efficiency, expanding output by 30% throughout the world

- Properly kept consistent records of work distribution

- Addressed quality control for worldwide output over a significant team of authors

Additional Skills

Fluent in English and Latin

Sophisticated proficiency using a extensive selection of office computer software

Examples of Released Writing

2003 toyota corolla parts | remove window tinting | timing chain | nissan oem parts diagram | subaru parts oem | mazda oem parts online | mazda parts online | car flood damage | | window installations toronto | area rugs in Toronto GTA | sectional sofas in Toronto area | heart stent | pennsylvania cabin rentals | internet service providers | universities in Dallas area | community colleges in new york state | what is ged | timing chain symptoms | muffler repair cost | baby room decorating ideas | mold symptoms | bathroom magazine rack | fireplace remodels | basement flooring | cheap decorating | walk in closet ideas | deep conditioning hair treatments | chinese food recipes | installing attic insulation | home decorating ideas | hospital beds | asbestos tile | asbestos inspection | home decor catalog | cheap wallpaper for walls | fire restoration | waterproofing basements | decorating living room ideas | fireplace decor | drainage | eugene oregon

Kids from Kansas

Kids from Kansas and Iowa took top honors in the Bassmasters' Missouri youth casting championship. They will get to show their stuff at a regional contest in Knoxville, Tenn.

JEFFERSON CITY--Fluorescent lights threw shadows on Chris Smrecker's furrowed brow as he aimed his fishing rod at a bullseye 30 feet away. With the state casting championship riding on one cast, the 6-inch target looked mighty small.

Smrecker was among 60 youngsters ranging from 7 to 14 years old who took part in the eighth annual Missouri CastingKids championship sponsored by Bassmasters, a national tournament fishing organization. They qualified in local competitions with 3,400 other youngsters statewide. The state championship took place March 21 in Jefferson City in the cleared-out childrens clothing department at K-Mart, the event's national sponsor.